Character Development and the Special Needs Child

By Tom and Sherry Bushnell

As Christ-believing parents coming from a Biblical perspective, most of us would agree that Godly character training in our children is of utmost importance.

It is easy for some of us to become confused about disciplining our special needs children. These may be some reasons:

Several years ago, we met a sweet mother who had raised her daughter with Down’s syndrome to adulthood. We asked her, "What advice would you give us in regards to raising our special needs child?" She answered, "Treat him just exactly the same way you treat your other children." She assured us that it may not always be easy, considering the delays. "If your child is developmentally two years old, you should expect two year old behavior. Treat him just as you did your other children when they were two years old." This was a big relief to us. We were worried about learning how to raise a special needs child. Where would we learn? Who would show us the right way?

All this time we had the most complete manual in our own hands. The Bible, in its entirety, is our training manual. The Bible makes no distinctions between "normal" children and those diagnosed with a syndrome. As parents we are responsible to train, to the best of our ability, all of our children up in the fear and admonition of the Lord.

Sometimes it is easy to lose sight of character training. The pressure of meeting I.E.P. goals are strong in our minds. Other priorities follow behind. Here are some practical reasons we have found to make character training a number one priority in our home.

Some of my children fight new concepts tooth and nail. It is easier for me not to push. Sheela, who is blind, would rather not be potty trained or progress to the point of being independent in anything unless I pushed. She loves to be waited on! She literally yells and screams at us in frustration sometimes. We tell her to stop yelling and just do it anyway. She is so proud when she finally learns something new. Would she have learned on her own? Maybe, but through our firm, loving encouragement she is progressing toward independence.

It really is very simple. We can only hold our children accountable for what they already know, right? Each household has its own set of rules. Each of our children has some comprehension of what they entail and we pretty much know what each of them are capable of. The hard part is backing up the bark with bite! We have to follow through with consequences. If we say, "Sally, if you get into Mommy’s china cabinet, I will have to…" (whatever the consequences) and Sally peers around the couch at us as we go back to our work, rolls over to the china cabinet and prepares to explore its realm, we had better not ignore Sally! Our children seem to know just how far we will go before we will dish out unpleasant consequences. If we set our standards high by backing up our rules, our children will be more comfortable in their home. And as all of us parents know, learning takes place most effectively for our children in the place they are happiest in.

In response to letters we have received these past few months, we felt it would be appropriate to ask these questions of you, our NATTHAN family. Some of you have already gone through these situations. We need input and suggestions. Included are several of the most common questions or solutions. We realize the sensitive nature of this subject. It is our sincere hope that through our webpage families will find encouragement and ideas.